I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
Beach you to it.
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
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