A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
Lost at sea? I'm not shore.
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
What is the strongest creature in the ocean? A mussel!
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
What is the most depressed river in Southern Europe? The Crimea River.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Beach you to it.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
What is a tornado's favorite Elton John song? Candle in the Wind!
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
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