Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
I can sea clearly now.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
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