Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
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