There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Rainbows are very uncommon, they are blue and far between.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
I have a hiking playlist with songs from the Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
Are you squiding me right now?
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
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