What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
I have a hiking playlist with songs from the Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
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