Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
What is a tornado's favorite Elton John song? Candle in the Wind!
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
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