How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
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