I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Sorry, I'm octopied.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
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