How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
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