I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Are you squiding me right now?
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
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