I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
After all is red and done, all the colors in the rainbow are equally beautiful.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
It’s raining cats and dogs outside.
I think I just stepped in a poodle.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
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