In what state is the Amazon River? It is in the liquid state.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
Sorry, I'm octopied.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
Whale, hello there.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Q: What falls but never hits the ground?
A: The temperature
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood.
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
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