What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Avoid pier pressure.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
Please excuse my resting beach face.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
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