They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
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