What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
I tried to catch the fog.
But I mist.
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