When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
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