Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Rainbows are very uncommon, they are blue and far between.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
The scientists decided to clean up the Thames because it had a dirty mouth.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
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