What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
That crazy little sun of a beach.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
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