Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett