A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
What do ghouls say to each other before heading out for Halloween?
May the ghouls be with you!
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
When the ghost went to a fancy restaurant, he decided to wear a boo-tie.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
I know an old man who's a vampire. He's quite long in the tooth.
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
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