A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
Where are werewolf movies made?
Howl-lywood.
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
Which musical group did Frankenstein not like at all?
The Village People.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
"The Full Moon is a natural furnomenon," said the werewolf.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
What is a witch's favorite makeup?
A ma-scare-a.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy? It was the wicked witch of rest.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
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