Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
Please wait, bewitcha in a minute.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
Dr. Frankenstein must have been pretty buff.
He was a bodybuilder, after all.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?
He gave him the cold shoulder!
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
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