I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
Witches get so excited to decorate their cauldron because their favorite hobby is witchcraft.
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?
A big toe-truck.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
Why was the ghoul so smart?
He always ate brain food!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
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