Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
Live to tell the tail.
Hear about the race between the Yeti and the Sasquatch?
The Sasquatch won, by a big foot.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?
He gave him the cold shoulder!
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What’s a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
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