How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
Please wait, bewitcha in a minute.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
What kind of tests are witches given in school?
Hex-aminations.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
What do you call the Frankenstein of the Gardening world?
An A-botan-ation.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
Why did the werewolf laugh while chewing on the skeleton?
He got to the funny bone.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.