Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn't his type.
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti keep cracking them.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
What's a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
Werewolves love their fast food.
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
Why are Ghosts so lonely? They have nobody to lean on.
Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
Why do werewolves do well at school?
Because every time they’re asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
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