Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Werewolves love their fast food.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
What you call the Ghost of a Chicken? Poultry-geist.
What do you call the Frankenstein of the Gardening world?
An A-botan-ation.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
Vampires are too easy to play jokes on. Suckers.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
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