Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
What did one werewolf say when he saw his friend?
- Howl’s it going?
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?
So he could Rest in Peas.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
What do you call a werewolf that can’t decide what to wear?
A what-to-wear-wolf.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
Did you hear about the ghoul who had eight arms?
He was very handy!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
What is a baby sasquatch's favorite toy?
His Yeti Bear!
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
What kind of tests are witches given in school?
Hex-aminations.
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
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