Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
Please wait, bewitcha in a minute.
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.
I know an old man who's a vampire. He's quite long in the tooth.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Witch you were here.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting until the full moon!
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
What do ghouls and goblins put on their nachos?
Ghost peppers.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
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