What does a monster wear when it rains?
His ghoul-oshes!
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It's all over town!
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What is a baby sasquatch's favorite toy?
His Yeti Bear!
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
What did the Turkey wear on Halloween?
He was a goblin.
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Frankenstein’s monster was really worried one day.
“Pull yourself together”, said Frankenstein.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
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