Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
What do you call the Frankenstein of the Gardening world?
An A-botan-ation.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do vampires use when baking cakes?
Batter.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
What did the Turkey wear on Halloween?
He was a goblin.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
Come witch me to the party.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
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