Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.