Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
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