What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
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