As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
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