If you want it dirty and fast... You've come to the right place. We've got it all, from dirty knock knock jokes to dirty puns and much more! Everything funny with a wink is right here.

What do you call a flower getting a s*x change?
A Transplant.
My lesbian friend said that it's been so long since she made love to another woman, she didn't know if she'd remember how..
I told her not to worry, it's just like riding a dyke.
First we lived in kingdoms run by Kings, then Empires run by Emperors
Now we live in Countries...
What does the scrotum of a catholic priest look like?
Stupid question, even a child knows that.
What does the sign on the brothel say when it’s closed?
Beat it, we're clothed.
What girl likes it in all her holes at the same time?
Mrs. Potato Head.
Dad: I heard that you got punished for saying the F-word in class. That wasn’t fun, was it?
Son: No, it was F*ck.
My girlfriend keeps saying that a small dick is nothing to worry about.
I still wish she hadn't got one.
When does 1 + 1 = 3?
When you don't pull out.
As the nurse is making the rounds at the old folks home...
She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."
How do you get a blonde off of her knees? Cum.
A cowboy and a red Indian are walking through the desert...
After a short time the Indian stops the cowboy before dropping to his knees and placing his ear to the ground. Upon standing the Indian says firmly "Buffalo come"

"That's amazing" says the cowboy, "How can you tell that?"

The Indian replies...

"Sticky face"
What do you get when you mix 50% human DNA with 50% goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
There was a gay Countess of Bray,
And you may think it odd when I say,
That in spite of high station,
Rank and education,
She always spelt Cunt with a K.
There was an old man of Connaught.
Whose prick was remarkably short,
When he got into bed
The old woman said,
"That's not a prick, it's a wart."
There was a young Coed of Kent,
In matters of law eloquent.
She told lawyers from Yale
That her ass was for sale,
But they proved it was only for rent.
A sperm, alack and forsooth
Was at its moment of sexual truth
It had hoped to fall
On the womb's spongy wall
But was dashed to its death on a tooth!
There was this girl from Boston, Mass.
She wade into the sea and wet her ankles,
it doesn't rhyme now,
but just wait until the tide comes in
There once was a student named Clouse
Who proclaimed to the boys of his house
I will take a firm stand
That a tit in the hand
Is much better than two in the blouse.
There was this baker from South Carolina
Who stuck an eggbeater in her vagina
The cakes she would glaze
In an orgasmic haze
And her screams they would rattle the china.
In Grangemouth there's an oil refinery
A port, a canal and a winery
An to thrill you to bits
All the girls have 10 tits
That is if you count them in binary
There once was a lady from Decatur
Who got laid by a large alligator.
But nobody knew
The result of that screw
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
There once was a fella named Rick
Who started to date this hot chick
But brief was romance
For tucked in her pants
was a much larger dick.
There once was a man from Bombay
Who fashioned a c*nt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
turned it into a brick
And it chafed all his foreskin away.
There was a Scotsman named McFee,
who got stung on his balls by a bee,
he made tonnes of money,
by producing lots of honey,
every time he went for a pee.
On the Breast of a woman named Gale
was tattooed the price of her tail
and on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in braille.
There was a young girl named Sapphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?
There once was a man from Cape Horn,
who wished he never was born.
And he wouldn't have been
if his father had seen
that the top of the rubber was torn.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives.
The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door."
The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones."
The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."