A couple of old ladies were sitting on a patio and speaking to each other about their grandchildren.
"I send gifts, greeting cards and checks to my grandchildren," complains one, "and still they barely visit me!"
The second old lady said "Oh I too send checks to my grandchildren and they visit me all the time!"
"You are so fortunate to have more grateful grandchildren than my own." said the first one sadly.
The second old lady smiled: "No my grandchildren are about as grateful as yours."
"So what do YOU do different? Are your checks bigger than mine?" Asked the first one, surprised.
"No," chuckled the other old lady, "I just don't sign mine."
Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you.” Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.” “Not a problem,” he replies. Just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.” After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts. “Oh darling,” she replies, “ what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in.”
The day after your birthday, you look in the mirror to see: a) you've got a zit from eating all that cake; b) your love handles have expanded a half inch; c) you singed your eyebrows blowing out the candles.
The day after your birthday, a) you require six extra hours of sleep; b) you can't find your living room under the birthday debris; c) you wonder how you could possibly have done THAT.
The day after your birthday, it's time to: a) return some gifts (what IS that, anyway?); b) call your friends and apologize for yesterday; c) get out of the country, fast.
The day after your birthday... we should all look so great and have it so good!
Happy Birthday! Appreciate yourself and your life!
Here they come, with birthday cheer, Bringing gifts just once a year, People you don't even like; You really wish they'd take a hike.
This should be a glad occasion; But it seems more like a SWAT invasion. Go away! Just take a break! Oh well, at least there's birthday cake.