Screw Jokes

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A llama.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just beat the room for being black.
How many middle-hitters do you need to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but the the setter has to put it perfectly in their hand first.
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
I Want... A drunk falls into a cab, gives the cabbie a $20 bill and bellows "I wanna get screwed." The cabbie dutifully drives him to the 'burbs and points out a town house. The drunk staggers up to the front door, bangs on it, and screams "I wanna get screwed!" A female voice answers, "Slip $100 under the door." The drunk pushes $100 under the door. Nothing happens. After a while the drunk bangs on the door again and screams "I wanna get screwed!" The female voice answers, "What? Again!?"
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”

- Alan Arkin.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
If I was a robot and you were one 2 if I lost a nut would you give me a screw.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
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