Screw Jokes

“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”

- Alan Arkin.
How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just beat the room for being black.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Screw me if I'm wrong...
But don't you owe me a blowjob?
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
my parents are gone
so it's time to screw.
There once was a man from St. Lou

Who gave his dear sister a screw.

He said with aplomb:

"You're better than Mom."

Said she: "That's what Dad told me too."
How many tall people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2. One to get a chair and the other one to call a short person for help.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A llama.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
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