Math

King Hero of old Syracuse had doubts that made him frown.
"Perhaps my goldsmith did not use pure gold to make the crown."
Since proof of mischief must be strong to put a thief in collar,
The king who feared his judgment wrong called on his science scholar.
"Archimedes, friend of old, find me the solution!
Is my crown pure solid gold, or is that an illusion?"
The scholar's task was serious; he struggled hard with math.
His mind was near delirious until he poured his bath.
He noticed how the water pushed him up as he stepped in.
He thought about it harder as he stroked his bearded chin.
"The weight of displaced liquid should always let me know
When any golden solid has a density too low!"
"Eureka!", he resounded. "I have such a clever mind".
Yet his claim was unfounded 'cause he left his clothes behind!

(by Robert Z)
The Genius Student
The Genius Student Tommy was sitting in math class when suddenly his teacher asked him “Tommy, How much is 2 + 2?” Tommy, caught off guard, begins counting his fingers under the table mumbling to himself: “1…2…3…4,” before happily exclaiming “The answer is four!” “That’s correct,” answered his teacher, “but I saw you counting your fingers instead of doing the math in your head. So I want you to put your hands behind your back and tell me what do you get if you add 3 + 3?” Tommy put his hands behind his back, but his teacher saw that he was still moving uncomfortably as if he were trying to count fingers. After a few moments he said uncertainly, "is the answer six?" "You are correct," she replied, "but I see you're still counting fingers despite me asking you not to! Put your hands in your pant pockets and tell me what you get if you add 5 + 5." Tommy put his hands in his pants and his teacher saw him looking at his pants and moving his lips without uttering a word. Finally the teacher became impatient and said: "I see what you're doing there and I can tell you right now that the answer is not eleven!"
Did you hear about the math professor who was afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
If I had 5 dollars for every math test I have ever failed then I would have 37 dollars.
Puns make me numb, but math puns make me...
Number.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Grammar Nazis for math should be called Fibbonazis.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.