Math Jokes

Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
If I had a nickel for every time I failed a math test, I'd have 83 cents.
Did you hear about the math professor who was afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”

- Amber Dusick.
If I had 5 dollars for every math test I have ever failed then I would have 37 dollars.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
The Train Math Problem 2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam. The next day they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the other puts his ear to the door to listen. The professor begins asking the question: "You are riding in a train car and you get too hot. What do you do?" The student replies,"I open the window." "Ok. Now that window is 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. The train is traveling 50 mph going north and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due east. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the car?" The student is clearly confused at this difficult question and just answers,"I don't know." So the professor gives him an F, dismisses him, and calls in his friend. He begins asking his friend "you are riding in a train car and it gets too hot. What do you do? He says,"I will take my jacket off." "Ok. But its still too hot. What do you do?" "I take my shirt off." "I understand but its very, very hot." "I will just get naked." "Ok. But there are people in the the car who will see you get naked." "With all respect, Professor," said the student, "I don't care if my grandmother and my priest are there, there's no way I'm opening that darn window!"
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
The Genius Student Tommy was sitting in math class when suddenly his teacher asked him “Tommy, How much is 2 + 2?” Tommy, caught off guard, begins counting his fingers under the table mumbling to himself: “1…2…3…4,” before happily exclaiming “The answer is four!” “That’s correct,” answered his teacher, “but I saw you counting your fingers instead of doing the math in your head. So I want you to put your hands behind your back and tell me what do you get if you add 3 + 3?” Tommy put his hands behind his back, but his teacher saw that he was still moving uncomfortably as if he were trying to count fingers. After a few moments he said uncertainly, "is the answer six?" "You are correct," she replied, "but I see you're still counting fingers despite me asking you not to! Put your hands in your pant pockets and tell me what you get if you add 5 + 5." Tommy put his hands in his pants and his teacher saw him looking at his pants and moving his lips without uttering a word. Finally the teacher became impatient and said: "I see what you're doing there and I can tell you right now that the answer is not eleven!"
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
Other people had drugs in school, but I brought Greek cheeses.
That way I could have math and feta cheese.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
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