For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
Why are women so irritable? Because men are so irritating.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals." Why don't women have men's brains? A. Because they don't have penises to keep them in!
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
Older women to her friend about remarrying, “When I pass away I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.”
Why do women take baths to relax?
Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.
A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back..."
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.