Russia

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
What do the laws of physics and the president of Russia have in common?
You can't choose them.
If Russia attacked Turkey from the Rear...would Greece help?
If Russia attacked Turkey from the Rear...
Would Greece help?
There was a Young Lady of Russia,
Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme,--
No one heard such a scream
As was screamed by that Lady from Russia.
There was a Young Lady of Russia,
Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme,
No one heard such a scream,
As was screamed by that lady of Russia.
Putin and the Journalist
Putin and the Journalist With the Russian Elections coming up, a reporter asks Russian President Vladimir Putin a question at a press conference. "With Hillary Clinton almost becoming president, and Kamala Harris being elected the Vice President in the United States, do you think that a Russian woman could ever rise up to the highest office of our great nation and become president?" President Putin responds immediately with a resounding "NO." without any hesitation, shocking all the reporters. "Why do you think that Mr. Putin?" the reporter asks, surprised and confused at the blunt dismissal. Vladimir calmly looks at the reporter and says "Because I am not a woman."
The Wise Old Sculptor
The Wise Old Sculptor Many years ago, a smart old sculptor was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union and emigrate to the United States where his son lived. When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin. Customs: "What is that?" Old man: "What is that? What is that?! Do not say ‟What is that?” say ‟Who is that?” That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker’s paradise!" The official smiled and let the old man through. The old man arrived at JFK airport, where an American customs official found the bust of Lenin. Customs: "What is that?" Old man:" What is that? What is that?! Do not say ‟What is that?” say ‟Who is that?” That is Lenin! The bastard! I’ll put him on display in my toilet for all the years he prevented an old man from having a good life." The official smiled and let him through. When he arrived at his family’s house in Brooklyn, his grandson saw him unpack the bust. Grandson: "Who is that, grandpa?" Old man: "Who is that? Who is that?! Don’t say ‟Who is that?” say ‟What is that?” That, my child, is eight pounds of gold!"
Why did the Cold War go on for so long?
Because Russia kept Stalin.
The Soviet Tattletale...
The Soviet Tattletale... One day a Soviet Party member is walking through red square when he hears a man shout “down with the tyrant and his stupid mustache.” Immediately the party member drags the man to Stalin and explains what he said. Stalin, furious asks: why did you say that? The man replies he was talking about Hitler. Stalin listens and decides the man is telling the truth. He agrees with his sentiments and sends the man on his way. The party member is about to go as well but is stopped by Stalin and asked: "Tell me, comrade, which tyrant with a stupid mustache were you thinking of when you dragged the man here?"