Wrong Jokes

I think there’s something wrong with my eye. I can’t take them off of you.
"You need kissing badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how."
- Clark Gable, Gone with the Wind (1939)
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel."
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
My pants might be in the wrong place but my heart is always in the right place.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Do you know which aisle the edible underwear is in? Oh, wait, wrong store!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
How to Return a Shirt I went with a friend to buy a grey cotton sweatshirt. I bought one but when I got home I noticed a little rip in the left sleeve. I showed it to my friend who encouraged me to return it. Would you believe, when I got to the store, the salesperson said "I'm sorry. This isn't the sweatshirt you purchased. Our records indicate that the sweatshirt you bought was 80% rayon and polyester. We can't take back this cotton one." "I'm afraid you're wrong", said I, smiling at my friend, who had been with me through the whole affair. "I did indeed purchase a cotton sweatshirt." I pointed to my friend. "This is my material witness".
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
If you declare me sovereign of your pants I promise I can do no wrong.
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