Wrong Jokes

A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
"You need kissing badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how."
- Clark Gable, Gone with the Wind (1939)
Do you know which aisle the edible underwear is in? Oh, wait, wrong store!
I think there’s something wrong with my eye. I can’t take them off of you.
My pants might be in the wrong place but my heart is always in the right place.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
If you declare me sovereign of your pants I promise I can do no wrong.
How to Return a Shirt I went with a friend to buy a grey cotton sweatshirt. I bought one but when I got home I noticed a little rip in the left sleeve. I showed it to my friend who encouraged me to return it. Would you believe, when I got to the store, the salesperson said "I'm sorry. This isn't the sweatshirt you purchased. Our records indicate that the sweatshirt you bought was 80% rayon and polyester. We can't take back this cotton one." "I'm afraid you're wrong", said I, smiling at my friend, who had been with me through the whole affair. "I did indeed purchase a cotton sweatshirt." I pointed to my friend. "This is my material witness".
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel."
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
Waking Up on the Wrong Side of Bed A nun, sister Sarah, wakes up one morning feeling great, she gets out of bed and decides to go to the kitchen for some breakfast. On her way over there she runs into sister Jane and she says, "Hi sister Jane," to which sister Jane answers, "I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed this morning sister." Puzzled, sister Sarah did not understand what sister Jane meant by that so she ignored it and went on. She's passing by the garden when she runs into sister Roberta and says, "Good morning sister Roberta hope you're having a great day!" Sister Roberta answers, "Good morning sister Sarah, I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed today." Sarah was now really anxious to know why everybody she meets keeps saying that when she feels so great, and so she decides to go and see mother superior, who was in her office. She enters and asks mother superior, "Holy mother, everybody keeps telling me that I got off on the wrong side of the bed, but I feel great!" The mother superior replies: "That's because you have brother John's shoes on."
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
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