Students

The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
Two students talk:
"What are you reading?"
"Quantum physics theory book."
"But why are you reading it upside-down?"
"It makes no difference anyway."
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not!"
POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Little Johnny and the Psychology Question
Little Johnny and the Psychology Question A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Little Johnny and the Name of the Lord
Little Johnny and the Name of the Lord A Sunday School teacher decided to quiz her students about what they learned that year. Sunday School Teacher: "Okay class... who can tell me what are some different names used when talking about God?" Little Johnny: "Hallowed!" Sunday School Teacher: "Hallowed? How did you get that as an answer?" Little Johnny: "It’s in the Lord’s Prayer: Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name..."
An Important Lesson
An Important Lesson First year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered in a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students? a PDF File.