Running

To Run Free
To Run Free A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!" So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon. He continued running along beside the others. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could, which wasn't very good at all. After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running." Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?" "Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Only when it's raining."
Yo Mama so poor I saw her running after a garbage truck with a shopping list.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
A Surprise Accusation
A Surprise Accusation A man and a woman were fast asleep in bed. Suddenly, at 4 o'clock in the morning, a resounding noise came from outside. The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man: "Oh No! That must be my husband!" The man quickly got out of bed, panicked and naked. He jumped out the window like a crazy man, smashed on the ground, picked himself up and went straight through a thorn bush, then he stood up and started to run as fast as he could to his car... A few minutes later the door opened and the man was standing at it, panting hard, with dirt and scratches all over him. He yelled: "I'm your husband, you mad cow!" And the woman answered: "Oh, yeah? And why were you running, you bastard?!?"
Hey Girl! Are you a software program?
Because you've been running in my memory all day.
I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine's Day
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful woman
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Darn thing's an hour fast."
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Why can you never use a serve receive pattern against a sniper? They’d all start running for cover.
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
. What do you call it when you heard the same jogger pun earlier, yet laughed again?
A running joke.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
What do you call a married couple who compete in the marathon side-by-side?
Running mates.
The Good Samaritan
The Good Samaritan I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!” She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, “You floor your purse on the floor outside outside McDonald’s." "Thank you so much!" She exclaimed. "Where is it?" "I just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s."
My son must have been relieved to have finally been born.
He looked like he was running out of womb in there.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.