Morning

What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Little Johnny and the Blackmailing Scheme
Little Johnny and the Blackmailing Scheme At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults hide at least one dark secret - and this makes it very easy to blackmail them, merely by saying: "I know the whole truth." So Little Johnny decides to try it out. When he arrives home from school that day, he says to his mother, "I know the whole truth." His mother looks shocked, quickly finds $20, and gives it to him, saying, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, Little Johnny waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." His father looks shocked, quickly finds $40, and gives it to him, saying, "Just don't tell your mother." The next morning, Little Johnny is on his way to school when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy decides to try again "I know the whole truth," he asserts boldly. The mailman stops in his tracks, then, tears in his eyes, drops his mailbag, throws opens his arms and says: "Then come give your daddy a great big hug!!!"
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Italy!
Italy who?
Italy all over in the morning.
What time do spacemen get up? Alien in the morning.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
The Brewing Argument
The Brewing Argument A man and his wife are having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife says, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband says, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." The wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "WHAT?!? I can't believe that! Show me." So she fetches the Bible, opens the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."
The Good Samaritan
The Good Samaritan I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!” She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, “You floor your purse on the floor outside outside McDonald’s." "Thank you so much!" She exclaimed. "Where is it?" "I just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s."
A Cowboy was told that if he sprinkled gunpowder on his breakfast, he'd live to a ripe old age
So he did this religiously, every morning.

He lived to the ripe old age of 96.

He left behind 8 Children, 24 Grandchildren and 60 Great Grandchildren, as well as a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.