Change

The Old Switcheroo...
The Old Switcheroo... George came home from University in tears. "Mom, am I adopted?" "No of course not!", replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?" George showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, George has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son." "Well, obviously!" he replied. "What do you mean?" she asked. "It was your idea in the first place" her husband said. "You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him." "I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of George."
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.
I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
How many Conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The invisible hand does it.
How many grammar cops does it take to change a light bulb?
Too.
How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
“I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.”
Roy Orbison
“I have noticed that even people who claim everything is pre­determined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
Stephen Hawking