Change Jokes

A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
The Old Switcheroo... George came home from University in tears. "Mom, am I adopted?" "No of course not!", replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?" George showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, George has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son." "Well, obviously!" he replied. "What do you mean?" she asked. "It was your idea in the first place" her husband said. "You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him." "I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of George."
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
The Trucker and His Emu An Aussie trucker walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The trucker says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays. The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.' Again the trucker reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.. 'Same for me,' says the emu. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?' 'Well, love' says the trucker, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.' 'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!' That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man. Still curious the waitress asks, 'Then what's with the emu?!?' The trucker pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big rump and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
My entire family keeps asking why I’m still single. Want to help me change that?
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
My favorite singer is Mick Jagger. He can't get no satisfaction and neither can I. Want to help me change that?
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous
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