War Jokes

Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the f*ck outta me.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star War sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his lightsaber?
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Do I Really Need to Do That, Father?
Do I Really Need to Do That, Father? The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest. "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest. "It's worse, Father; I was weak, I asked her to pay for the attic with sexual favors and she accepted," continued the old man. "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands of the Germans had they found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest. "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
The English Prisoner
The English Prisoner An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing." The German replied, "Yeah that will not be a problem." A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time." "Yeah, that will be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before." The German replies, "Ok." Next day the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..." "NO!" Snapped the German. "We think you are trying to escape!"
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
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