Ireland Jokes

The Untrained Maid
The Untrained Maid Around the beginning of the 20th century, a society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems she's having a dinner party that night and her maid quit. The guy in the agency explains that all the girls he has right now have just gotten off the boat from Ireland. They're untrained. The lady says she'll train the girl but needs someone right away. The agency man asks for volunteers and Molly comes forward. She agrees to go and be trained. Well, the dinner party comes and goes and, although some of the guests seemed to disappear now and then, everything works out just fine. Molly does a great job. The next morning, the lady's walking down the upstairs hall and sees Molly in one of the guest rooms. Looks like she's making the bed but she's just standing there. Curious, the woman walks in and looks over Molly's shoulder. There on the bed lies a condom. The lady turns bright red and tries to laugh it off. "Why Molly," she says, "Surely you have those in Ireland, don't you?" Molly swallows nervously and says: "Surely we do madam, but we don't skin 'em!"
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? -- Quentin Crisp
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
Why did Saint Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
They were causing mass hiss-teria!
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
In Ireland, when the cows are in the road it’s udder chaos.
A trip to Ireland always lifts my spirits.
In Ireland, I call the shots.
Ireland is pitcher perfect.
In Ireland, they really like to ham it up.
A trip to Ireland is quite a cliffhanger.
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
Did you hear Ireland is the fastest-growing country in Europe?
Its population is always Dublin.
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