I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
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