What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.