What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
"Some people have no guts."
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.