While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
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