I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
"Lazy bones."
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
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