So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
"Dying to have fun."
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!