My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.