What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
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