How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
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