"Some people have no guts."
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
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