What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
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