What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
"Bugs and hisses."
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
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