What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
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