One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
You’re my heartthrob.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
"Lazy bones."
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
"Dying to have fun."
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