A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
I have a heart-on for you.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
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