How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
"Bugs and hisses."
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
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